Toxic Relationships and Violence in Communities - Metalab

If this is even roughly how it happened, which I have no doubt about based on my own experiences, then the people who needs the most therapy here are the ones who refuse to talk and instead remain silent.

Silence is the socially most damaging form of violence. And the most natural and healthy way to react to silence is to go public at the end, after all attempts to resolve this differently have failed.

“Drama” is created here by the actors who do not act; all those who escalate through silence and only watch. Not by those who act and speak up, and try their best.

Refusing to talk to someone in distress is torture.

Yes, even if the silence is due to overwhelm. It’s OK to be overwhelmed. Then learn to do it! Seek professional support. Overwhelm does not justify violent acts. No, not even when you judge the original source as violent.

If similar cases occur in your communities: We are happy to fund professional and trauma-sensitive mediators. You don’t have to deal with this on your own.

We’re also happy to cover the costs of up to five rounds of “self-encounters” based on identity-oriented trauma therapy for each of those involved and affected by this and similar “incidents”, and one copy each of “The Art of Conflict”. The list of therapists countains four providers in Vienna.

“I co-founded the Metalab association at Rathausstraße 6 back in 2006 and have basically been involved for most of my adult life since then. […] Starting in February 2023, I wanted to talk to the board about an issue, but they categorically refused to speak with me from February all the way until July 12, 2023, and just stonewalled me for months. Because of the issue I wanted to discuss with them, I unfortunately only managed to visit Metalab a handful of times in the first half of 2023. But when I did go, I noticed more and more people giving me strange “We know what you did” looks. I had no clue what it was about, and no one wanted to talk to me about it. It felt Kafkaesque. On July 12, 2023, two members of the board finally met me at a café, but only to personally tell me that they weren’t going to listen to my concerns. That was the only time in all of 2023 that I heard the voice of anyone from the board. At that meeting on July 12, just as I’d already done in emails to the board since February, I asked the chairman: ‘What am I being accused of?’ And on July 12, he finally answered: ‘We’re not going to talk to you about that.’ Naturally, I followed up with: ‘Why can’t I know what I’m being accused of?’ To which they replied: ‘That’s just the way it is.’”

“It’s important to point out that this wasn’t just a case of growing dislike towards me at Metalab or minor annoyances. The board apparently had specific reasons they thought justified kicking me out, but they were reluctant to make those reasons public. So instead, they just used the first excuse they could find — something that probably wouldn’t have had the same consequences for another member — simply out of convenience, because they were too conflict-averse to confront me with their actual accusations.”

http://www.metalab-vorstand.at (machine translated)

“This is a decision you, as the board, have to make. And if you refuse to make a decision, you’re deciding that I’m not worth having a Metalab where my abuser doesn’t exist, and that I’m not even worth a clear answer from you.”

https://chaos.social/@qbe/112242594780061540 (machine translated)

For good reason, the right to be heard is a fundamental human right. And the right to be heard also includes really being heard. Getting answers to questions asked. A dialog.

Anyone who goes crazy during such treatment is not sick. They are being made sick. Traumatic responses are a completely natural reaction after socially deviant actions by disturbed and traumatized people.

Let’s create support structures so that we can act in a more humane way in such and similar cases.

https://www.beziehungsweise-magazin.de/ratgeber/kommunikation-konflikte/wenn-der-eine-schweigt-und-der-andere-wahnsinnig-wird/

https://www.brigitte.de/liebe/beziehung/silent-treatment--infos-zum-toxischen-schweigen-13139530.html

https://psychcentral.com/health/the-silent-treatment

“The silent treatment is a common response to conflict and an often overlooked form of abuse. It can include anything from ignoring texts and DMs to refusing face-to-face communications. "

“The silent treatment is a form of social ostracization and a common tool used during conflict within many relationship types to inflict pain. It involves refusing to communicate with someone who is willing to communicate.”